Champions League - Second Leg - Quarter Final Predictions - Tuesday

This one's coming at you quickly... just like the goals did for Barcelona and Chelsea last week. Can the results be turned around? Hell no!
But I don't see Liverpool (or Bayern for that matter) rolling over and making it easy either. There's definitely still some good games to come. Here's how I picked'em.

I predict:
Bayern Munich 2 v 2 Barcelona
First goal scorer: Lionel Messi

Chelsea 1 v 2 Liverpool
First goal scorer: Fernando Torres

Back To Business - Liverpool 4 v 0 Blackburn

Liverpool came out firing for this match. It was probably to shake off the embarrassing defeat in front of their home fans to Chelsea only days earlier... and what better way to do it than by embarrassing some other poor team instead... unlucky Blackburn. After the match, I'm assuming Rafa's team talk probably went something like: "Hokay, go en do thees to Chelsea in there Champion League. Gracias... muchachos" :D

Match highlights:

Macheda To The Rescue... Again! Sunderland 1 v 2 Manchester United

Uh oh... when you have to rely on a 17yr old to save your ass on two separate occasions, you "might" be in trouble. I use the word might here, cause I'm talking about Manchester United and well, they're pretty much capable of pulling anything out of their arses when all the chips are down... for example. Anyway, looks to me like this Macheda fella will be earning some serious flier miles if he can come up trumps in Portugal mid week... United need all the help they can get, even if it is prepubescent!

Match highlights:

Livin On The Edge - Chelsea 4 v 3 Bolton

Shit, talk about close! Even though the match was pretty much over at 4-0, Bolton did what Liverpool couldn't a few days ago and scored three goals... in the space of eight minutes! Talk about a shock. It reminded me of the time I took your sister home and finished her off in eight minutes too... What? don't act all surprised dude, she is a bit of a s**t! High Five!

Match highlights:

Predictions - Barclays Premier League - 11th / 12th April

While the top 4 enjoy a relatively "easy" weekend, the match of the round is at Villa Park with two sides in totally contrasting form. Midlanders haven't won in seven whilst the Merseysiders are picking up precious points every weekend and are now within 1 of Villa... should make for a cracking match!

I predict:
Liverpool 3 v 0 Blackburn
Chelsea 2 v 0 Bolton
Middlesbrough 1 v 1 Hull City
Portsmouth 2 v 0 West Brom
Sunderland 1 v 3 Man Utd
Tottenham 1 v 1 West Ham
Wigan 0 v 2 Arsenal
Stoke City 1 v 1 Newcastle
Aston Villa 2 v 2 Everton
Man City 1 v 0 Fulham

Predictions - La Liga - 11th / 12th April

After a brilliant Champions League week, the La Liga returns with leaders Barcelona at home to a nervy Recreativo (good luck!), Madrid at home to Valladolid and Espanyol needing three points from their match against Numancia to have a descent chance of staying in the top flight... this is how our friends at Heads or Tails picked'em.

Predictions:
FC Barcelona 4 v 1 Recreativo Huelva
Villarreal CF 3 v 1 Malaga CF
Racing Santander 1 v 1 Real Betis
Mallorca 1 v 1 Almeria
Real Madrid 3 v 0 Real Valladolid
Sevilla 2 v 0 Getafe
Sporting Gijón 1 v 2 Valencia
Numancia 1 v 2 Espanyol
Deportivo 2 v 2 Atlético Madrid
Osasuna 2 v 1 Athletic Bilbao

'Pools Earth Shattering Result - Liverpool 1 v 3 Chelsea

Guus Hiddink is a renowned fitness enthusiast who is especially good at getting teams to perform at their peak levels whilst still playing an entertaining brand of football. So it's no wonder that the ever aging Chelsea mob have once again been steered onto the right path of becoming a tough European force... can anybody, other than a kinetic physicist or a seismic geologist, explain to me how the fattest player in the Premier League (possibly Europe) got managed to out-jump the Liverpool defense TWICE! and give his team a commanding lead going to Stamford Bridge, without the world (minus Rome) feeling any repercussions? ...anybody?

...seriously, I don't mind waiting.

Match highlights:


Older Chelsea news:
This Really Wasn't A Good Idea... Was It? - Newcastle 0 v 2 Chelsea
Blues stunned by Lillywhites - Tottenham 1 v 0 Chelsea
Blues keep up the pressure - Chelsea 1 v 0 Manchester City
Ooh, so close! Juventus 2 v 2 Chelsea

Munchen Get Shpoonkten! Ax Ya! Barcelona 4 v 0 Bayern

I've never been spanked before, nor have I ever wished too, so I'm assuming* that it would be less painful than playing against Barcelona and their extraordinary attacking prowess at the Camp Nou... especially when they're really in the mood to kick your ass! So I think it's safe to say that even if Bayern bring on dildo slinging nympho mutants from out space for the next leg in Germany, the best they'll get is use of their own safe word to help them out of another shpoonking! Now repeat after me "Fluggen-kliggin-kien!" and you'll enjoy a happy ending!

*assumptions are based on years of watching amateur B-grade and home-made porn, hence it is a safe assumption

Match highlights:


Older Barcelona news:
Results - La Liga - 4th / 5th April
Barca make light work of Malaga - Barcelona 6 v 0 Malaga
All aboard! Barcelona 5 v 2 Lyon

Champions League - First Leg - Quarter Final Predictions - Wednesday

If last nights matches are anything to go by, tonight's games should also be scorchers... whatever the case I'll be front and center watching both these matches simultaneously... ah the wonders of the internet!

I predict:
Barcelona 2 v 1 Bayern Munich
First goal scorer: Samuel Eto'o

Liverpool 2 v 1 Chelsea
First goal scorer: Steven Gerrard

Ade Wonder-Goal Gives Gunners A Draw - Villareal 1 v 1 Arsenal

Ok, I don't know who this new "Adebayor" guy is or where the old one has gone (perhaps he was adopted by Madonna), but to tell you the truth, I don't really care. The new guy or ADEv2.0 as I like to call him seems like he's been tinkered with by a mix of voodoo witch doctors and kinetic scientists cause almost overnight his skills have been upgraded, he's sustained a delicate first touch and just for fun I think they've even added a deadly J.I Joe style sideways karate kick... awesome!

Match highlights:


Older Arsenal & Villareal news:
Kickin'em Old School! - Arsenal 2 v 0 Manchester City
Gunners feeling invincible at the moment
A Greek tragedy - Panathinaikos 1 v 2 Villareal
Cracking goal, dubious penatly - Villarreal 1 v 1 Panathinaikos

Advantage Porto! Manchester United 2 v 2 FC Porto

Ever since their arses were handed to them on a plate by Torres, Gerrard, Aurelio and Dossena, things have looked a little different on the "United" front... namely in their midfield where they are failing to hold onto the ball and are being dominated like a fat chick muscling her way to the dessert buffet for the last cream puff.
What's more amazing though is that Porto took a page out of Liverpool's, Fulham's and (almost) Aston Villa's book recently and took the game to United, attacking them instead of fearing them and running at their previously impregnable defense whilst at the same time making the European champs look sub-standard too... Respect!
The result... well United have to now go to the Estadio do Dragao in the second leg and become the first ever British team to win there... ever! Oh and just in case you didn't get it the first two times... that was "EVER"!
I think United can kiss their quintuple goodbye... especially if they keep playing the way they did last night.

Match highlights:


Older Porto news:
Stalemate sees Porto through - Porto 0 v 0 Atletico Mardid
Lisandro keeps Atlético at bay - Atlético 2 v 2 Porto

Champions League - First Leg - Quarter Final Predictions - Tuesday

It's Quarter Final time and you know what that means folks... over the next two weeks, somebody gonna get a-hurt real bad! Well not like Santi Cazorla's broken ankle hurt but more like a bruised ego or battered feelings... like the time I was caught with my pants around my ankles at the school dance and everyone was staring, pointing and laughing... it's pay back time chumps!

I predict:
Villarreal 1 v 1 Arsenal
First goal scorer: Javi Venta

Man. United 2 v 0 Porto
First goal scorer: Wayne Rooney

Results - Barclays Premier League - 4th / 5th April

My predictions this week were as efficient as Everton's goal scoring abilities and they really stamped their authority on the right to be playing UEFA Cup football next season. Now sitting 7 points off seventh placed West Ham, you could say that they're almost home and hosed... but look out Villa their within one point of sixth.

Gameweek score:
7 out of 10

Results:
Blackburn 2 v 1 Tottenham
Arsenal 2 v 0 Man City
Bolton 4 v 1 Middlesbrough
Hull City 0 v 0 Portsmouth
Newcastle 0 v 2 Chelsea
West Brom 0 v 2 Stoke City
West Ham 2 v 0 Sunderland
Fulham 0 v 1 Liverpool
Everton 4 v 0 Wigan
Man Utd 3 v 2 Aston Villa

Match highlights - Everton 4 v 0 Wigan:


Older Everton news:
Review - FA Cup - Finally Someone Wins The Derby!
Review - Everton 1 v 1 Arsenal
Review - FA Cup - Liverpool 1 v 1 Everton

There's A New Hero In Town - Manchester United 3 v 2 Aston Villa

Look out C.Ron and Wooney, there might just be another cool kid on the block... a cool kid who unbelievably announced his arrival to the world last night! And what's more unbelievable is that this kid is just that, a 17 year old who is already rubbing shoulders with some of the big boys in the league! Shit, when I was 17, a good day for me was getting a boner while talking to that kind'a hot, kind'a weird looking chick over the counter at Blockbuster then hiring a video game and playing it all night in my Batman underwear... all I'm sayin' is, don't knock it till you try it!

Match highlights:


Older Manchester United news:
United see red - Fulham 2 v 0 Manchester United
Race not over yet! Manchester United 1 v 4 Liverpool
Two easy - Manchester United 2 v 0 Inter
Magpies slip, United roll on - Newcastle 1 v 2 Manchester United

Amusing read:
Who is Federico Macheda? [The Spoiler.co.uk]

Results - La Liga - 4th / 5th April

This was a good week of predictions in the La Liga and even with some tricky matches a score of 7 was very pleasant... almost as pleasant as Eto'o's doink over the advancing Valladolid keeper, which won them the match. Ole!

Gameweek score:
7 out of 10... Ole!

Results:
Almería 3 v 0 Villarreal
Athletic Bilbao 2 v 1 Mallorca
Real Betis 3 v 3 Numancia
Recreativo Huelva 0 v 1 Sevilla
Valladolid 0 v 1 Barcelona
Malaga 0 v 1 Real Madrid
Atlético Madrid 2 v 4 Osasuna
Espanyol 3 v 1 Deportivo la Coruña
Valencia 4 v 1 Getafe
Sporting Gijon 0 v 2 Racing Santander

Valladolid 0 v 1 Barcelona - Match highlights:


For more reviews of this weekends La Liga action visit Heads or Tails.

This Really Wasn't A Good Idea... Was It? - Newcastle 0 v 2 Chelsea

Much like Guus Hiddink, Alan Shearer probably thought he didn't have anything to lose by being the interim manager of his respective team for the remainder of the season... at the moment though, he's probably thinking he may have made a slight miscalculation, most notably cause Newcastle ain't quite Chelsea.
I mean besides a spot in the EPL next year, his credibility as a manager and potential jobs in the future... what else has he got to lose, right?
At least Hiddink will walk away from his post knowing that he came in at a hard time, had a crack at the title, Champions League and FA Cup (of which he may even manage to win one) and head straight back to Russia to sit on Abramovich's millions till the end of time. At the very best Shearer's in for a Mickey Mouse badge, alcoholism and a possible case of depression... awesome deal man, just awesome!

Match highlights:


Older Newcastle news:
Results - Barclays Premier League - 21st / 22nd March
Magpies slip, United roll on - Newcastle 1 v 2 Manchester United
Review - Manchester City 2 v 1 Newcastle United

Super Sub Lift's 'Pool To The Top - Fulham 0 v 1 Liverpool

Who would have thought that Fulham would play such an important part in the Premiership title race?... well not me and *cough* I'm barely wrong about this shit *cough*. Well they almost did it again and were minutes away from putting yet another dint in Liverpool's ever so dinted quest for glory, till Yossi 'The Superhero' Benayoun stepped up and lifted Liverpool to the summit of the Premier League. Which got me thinking, the world needs more Hebrew Superheros cause I just don't think there are enough... and this list only justifies it.
So from this day forth, Yossi Benayoun will be known as 'Yoav Ben Chalav', a man who gets his powers from drinking milk and uses them to fight criminals Real Madrid, terrorists Fulham and an evil wizard Alex Ferguson in his quest for Premier League supremacy! And once he conquers England, he will move on to Europe and fight with the residents there.

Match highlights:


Older Liverpool news:
Gerraaard! Liverpool 5 v 0 Aston Villa
Race not over yet! Manchester United 1 v 4 Liverpool
That was easy! Liverpool 4 v 0 Real Madrid
'Pool take vital lead to Anfield - Real Madrid 0 v 1 Liverpool

Kickin'em Old School! - Arsenal 2 v 0 Manchester City

Finally Adebayor has shaken off the injury shackles that have been holding him down and has started to show glimpses of his previous "brilliance". But let's not get too carried away cause it's only been one game and well Madonna's adoption bid was rejected recently, so she's still on the prowl for something that almost fits his description to a tee! I wouldn't be surprised if she pounced on the opportunity to enslave adopt him, drape him in a white lace vail and nail him to crucifix all while touring around the USA... in fact there isn't much I wouldn't put past that crazy bitch! Careful Ade... you could be next!

Match highlights:


Older Adebayor and Arsenal news:
The Week That Was The International Break
Links that don't suck as much as the new England Kit
Results - Barclays Premier League - 21st / 22nd March
Arsenal gun down Tigers - FA Cup - Arsenal 2 v 1 Hull City

Predictions - Barclays Premier League - 4th / 5th April

This weekend sees Manchester United on the rebound like a hot, dumped teenage girl and Aston Villa looking as desperate as a fat chick without a date for the prom... this match is like redemption and who ever wins will walk away with their head held high... all be it for different matters entirely. Man Utd to keep a cushion ahead of Liverpool and Villa to keep the pressure on 4th placed Arsenal... cracking weekend ahead, this is how I've picked'em.

i predict:
Blackburn 1 v 2 Tottenham
Arsenal 2 v 0 Man City
Bolton 1 v 0 Middlesbrough
Hull City 1 v 2 Portsmouth
Newcastle 1 v 3 Chelsea
West Brom 1 v 0 Stoke City
West Ham 2 v 1 Sunderland
Fulham 0 v 1 Liverpool
Everton 2 v 0 Wigan
Man Utd 2 v 0 Aston Villa

Predictions - La Liga - 4th / 5th April

This week off has felt like an eternity... so this weeks La Liga action brings some difficult games for the giants of the league... it'll be interesting to see what this weekend brings. Here's what our friends at Heads or Tails foresee happening.

Predictions:
Almería 2 v 0 Villarreal
Athletic Bilbao 3 v 1 Mallorca
Real Betis 3 v 1 Numancia
Recreativo Huelva 2 v 0 Sevilla
Valladolid 1 v 2 Barcelona
Malaga 1 v 2 Real Madrid
Atlético Madrid 3 v 1 Osasuna
Espanyol 2 v 0 Deportivo la Coruña
Valencia 3 v 0 Getafe
Sporting Gijon 1 v 2 Racing Santander

For more reviews of this weekends La Liga action visit Heads or Tails.

The Week That Was The International Break

After only his second official game in charge of the Argenitne team, Maradona's men suffered their biggest defeat in world football since 1945... ah, that Maradona, he really is a special guy! [ESPN]

Got an injured player? Send them to Australia and Pim's medical team will fix'em right up... that's ok Moyes, no thanks required! [TWG]

Finally Sven got the ass as Mexico coach but now he's planning a stint back in the Premier League!?... hold up, am I the only one who thinks this chop is the most overrated coach going round at the moment? [Reuters]

Fabregas, Adebayor & Walcott to return for Arsenal... they're hosting Man City so they better be in for a tough match! [Goal.com]

Alan Shearer is in the hot seat at Newcastle and his first challenge is against a Chelsea side on the rebound... hands up if you think he'll actually make a difference, I don't mind waiting...



... yeah I didn't think so either! [SkySports]

Almost There! Australia 2 v 0 Uzbekistan

After a shitty first half, the Socceroos began the second half like their testies were on fire (I'm assuming Pim had something to do with that) and once 'the saviour' Josh Keneddy scored that wicked header, shit really got firing! Matter of fact it got so crazy at one stage, I was almost waiting for a midget in a feather boa to ride out on a tricycle and start handing out Australian flags to the crowd... but then I realised Scott McDonald had been subbed off for the striker that actually scores goals. See Scotty, that's how it's done at international level!

A few quick points:

• Marco Bresciano awesome in the second half... man of the match


• Lucas Neill, monumental in defense


• Brett Holman, as untimely as ever... damn, If he's always so anxious in front of goal, I wouldn't want to see him around a female!


• Harry Kewell... ice cold!


• If Bahrain draw against Qatar later today, Australia qualify for 'Seth Efrika' 2010... sweet!

1st Goal highlights:
Anybody else notice 'the beard' Josh has when he runs off to celebrate?... then in a flash it's gone! Seriously... keep an eye out!


2nd Goal highlights:

Crunch Time - Prediction - Australia v Uzbekistan

With only an hour or so till kick off, I don't wanna be the rotten apple here, but I can see Australia conceding it's first goal of the campaign today. And that's not to say that they won't play well (not like those A-Leaguearoos), I just think that the Uzbeks will come out firing and catch the Aussies slightly unawares... however, experience and nerve should still see the Euroroos prevail and plant a Josh Kennedy sized giant foot in South Africa 2010! C'mon Aussie!

I predict:
Australia 2 v 1 Uzbekistan
(Aus scorers: Macca, Kewell)

Older Socceroos WCQ news:
Socceroos Qualify If They Win And Other Lazy Links
Review - Bahrain 0 v 1 Australia
Review - Australia 4 v 0 Qatar
Review - Uzbekistan 0 v 1 Australia