The spectacle that was the FIFA Beach Soccer World Cup came to a close tonight in Dubai and I learnt two things by being at the match… a) The Swiss should stick to making watches, chocolates and secretive bank accounts and b) no matter what country, weather or terrain, Brazil will own your ass like a cheap hooker doing her route on the streets of Rio when they play you in soccer / football / futebol. Anyway, congrats to a great tournament and a couple of fun nights out this week. It was highly entertaining!

Another action packed day at the Jumierah beach soccer stadium and another day when I think my obsessive fascination with cheer leaders has reached crisis level. I would sound the alarm, but there’s still 4 days left in this tournament, so I ain’t pulling the plug just yet!
Teams to have made the next cut through to the quarter finals were Uruguay, Portugal, Japan, Spain, Russia, Italy, Switzerland and Brazil, who have scored 23 frikin goals in 3 matches! Is that even humanly possible? Surprisingly, teams to miss out were Argentina, Nigeria, Ivory Coast and the UAE who all finished third in their respective groups and who will now miss the exciting days of cheer leading and fun ahead… better luck next year bitches!

The first couple of days of the Beach Soccer World Cup have delivered quite a lot of tits and ass action… as you can now see by the new thumbnail gallery feature I’ve finally enabled… yay me! Anyway, I’ve even thrown in a highlight of last nights humiliating 8-1 drubbing Brazil inflicted on desert dwellers Bahrain… listen guys, just cause you grew up around sand, doesn’t mean you’ll be any good at playing football on it, especially against the ‘samba boys’ who pretty much burst out of their mothers wombs with a football and budgie smugglers.

Highlights – Brazil 8 v 1 Bahrain:

The FIFA Beach Soccer World Cup kicks off today on Jumeirah Beach and I’m going to be heading down there as often as I can to get in on it. Having to ‘work for the man’ means I don’t get the pleasure of being able to frolic around Dubai chasing the copious amounts of women football teams that visit the city (and believe me there are loads)… but screw that man, I’m going to do my best to comment on all the ass action I come across beach side this week. Stay tuned!

Matches

Match times are currently set to local time.

Group A

Match	Date – Time
2	16/11 13:30		Uruguay	6 v 7	Solomon Islands
7	16/11 19:30		United Arab Emirates	5 v 7	Portugal
11	17/11 15:00		Portugal	1 v 2	Uruguay
15	17/11 19:30		Solomon Islands	1 v 7	United Arab Emirates
21	18/11 16:30		Portugal	6 v 1	Solomon Islands
23	18/11 19:30		United Arab Emirates	0 v 4	Uruguay

Group B

Match	Date – Time
3	16/11 15:00		Côte d’Ivoire	7 v 6	El Salvador
6	16/11 18:00		Spain	5 v 5	Japan
10	17/11 13:30		Japan	3 v 2	Côte d’Ivoire
13	17/11 16:30		El Salvador	3 v 7	Spain
17	18/11 13:30		Spain	9 v 6	Côte d’Ivoire
20	18/11 13:30		Japan	7 v 2	El Salvador

Group C

Match	Date – Time
4	16/11 15:00		Argentina	2 v 3	Italy
5	16/11 16:30		Russia	5 v 1	Costa Rica
9	17/11 13:30		Costa Rica	0 v 6	Argentina
14	17/11 18:00		Italy	1 v 3	Russia
18	18/11 15:00		Costa Rica	1 v 3	Italy
19	18/11 15:00		Russia	3 v 3	Argentina

Group D

Match	Date – Time
1	16/11 13:30		Switzerland	6 v 5	Bahrain
8	16/11 21:00		Brazil	11 v 5	Nigeria
12	17/11 15:00		Nigeria	2 v 7	Switzerland
16	17/11 21:00		Bahrain	1 v 8	Brazil
22	18/11 18:00		Nigeria	9 v 3	Bahrain
24	18/11 21:00		Brazil	4 v 2	Switzerland

Updated schedules and fixtures can be found here or can be downloaded in this PDF(86kb).