I predict:
Lyon 2 v 0 Bordeaux
Bayern 1 v 1 Man. United

Champions League Final 1999:
Up there as one of the greatest finals in Champions League history.
Where did you watch this match?

Expecting to get a result when you visit Camp Nou is almost as dangerous as bragging to a mob boss about your conquests a week ago with his 18yr old daughter and if you can somehow stay alive or manage to flee the planet after pulling off such a feat, you’re almost deserving of the trophy then and there… but let’s not get ahead of ourselves just yet, there are still 90min to be played in this tie and as is stands Barca have the upper hand with their away goal, so the onus is on Ze Germans to attack. Something tells me they shouldn’t have any problems doing that. Can they pull an amazing performance out of their battle hats though and get away with knocking the socks off the mob bosses daughter on his turf? I think the answer is quite simple really. It’ll be highly unlikely!… and this is how I picked the rest of ‘em.

I predict:
Barcelona 3 v 1 Stuttgart
Bordeaux 1 v 1 Olympiacos

Man I can’t wait for the ‘Special One’s’ Inter to waltz into Stamford Bridge tonight and walk into the next round of the Champions League… is it going to happen though, I’m actually not so sure and this is what I love about the UCL. So many unknowns, so many variables, so many theories. It’s a decision I’ve been battling all week and even though both teams have experienced slight dips in form of late, both are still very capable of pulling a result out of thin air. Therefore for the first time in PTP history, I’m going to leave this match open to opinion. I know it will go to extra time, but then anything is capable from there. And as for the other match of the night… what match!? There is only one of interest!

I predict:
Chelsea 2 v 1 Internazionale [With anything to happen in extra time!]
Sevilla 1 v 0 CSKA Moskva

While I gather my thoughts on last night’s amazing performances, the European madness continues tonight and it just wouldn’t be Europe without my lame attempt to predict the unpredictable outcomes of what can only be described as a place where anything can and will happen!
So instead, think beautifully tanned women bathing topless, think greased up men wearing extremely short swimming shorts (ok maybe not), like cheesy Euro-dance and lastly think far-out hairstyles and gel ‘a’ plenty!… or simply think David Beckham, he’s Europe personified and once again all of tonight’s hype is about that man, returning to his roots and hopefully helping his turn round a 3-2 deficit from a fortnight ago… fat chance! And here’s how I picked the rest of ‘em.

I predict:
Real Madrid 3 v 1 Lyon
Manchester United 2 v 2 AC Milan

1st leg predictions

I’m loving the amount of football being played all around the world at the moment, especially in Europe! So many matches all the time, it’s bloody fantastic I tells ya! What isn’t so fab though is Herpes… Herpes and UCL knock out football and just in similar fashion it’s almost impossible to shake off a “bad night at the office” in the 1st leg, unless the gods are with you, the starts are aligned and you literally pull a result out of your arse… well kind of! Ok, even I’m confused now. Ahh forget it, here’s my lame attempt at trying to pick the scores for tonight’s matches.

I predict:
Arsenal 2 v 1 Porto [Arsenal to progress on pens]
Fiorentina 1 v 1 Bayern

1st leg predictions.

The teams getting ready to square off against their respective opponents:

With all the Nike Write History hooplah kicking about this evening, I almost forgot about the mouth watering match taking place at the San Siro tonight, when Jose Mourinho takes on his former Blues and Carlo Ancelotti takes on his former teams nemesis… I mean, it’s almost as mouth watering as your sister bro! But seriously, you need to tell her to back off a bit, shit’s costing me predictions!

I predict:
CSKA Moskow 0 v 1 Sevilla
Internazionale 1 v 1 Chelsea

I’ve dropped the ball a bit lately and haven’t had much of a chance to review any of the weekends matches from any of the leagues. What can I say… your sister is really frikin hot and been taking up all my time! Oh and here are tonight’s Champions Leagues picks which you probably thought I wouldn’t post. In your face dude!

I predict:
Olympiakos 1 v 1 Bordeaux
Stuttgart 1 v 2 Barcelona

As I prepare last nights reviews, ponder tonight’s predictions below. I got them completely wrong last night and couldn’t possibly do that bad again tonight… or could I!? Fuck knows, it’s Europe baby!

I predict:
Porto 1 v 0 Arsenal
Bayern 2 v 1 Fiorentina

…was it!?

I mean no disrespect to Lyon for their achievement, but when one of the most expensive teams in the world strolls over to your neck of the woods like a big bad wolf, unless you’re a big bad wolf yourself, you’re not likely to flip them a one fingered salute and claim your turf. Instead you’re going to carefully plan your attacks and when they least expect it get Little Red Riding Hood on their asses… and voilà that’s exactly what the former French champions did!

Match highlights:

For a team having never scored or won at the San Siro before, it’s fair to say that Manchester United erm… Wayne Rooney, achieved something special in Milan last night.
Is this tie over? No chance! In fact, I’m more amazed that Milan didn’t finish this match off in the first half than I am by Paul Scholes’ standing leg’s ability to nutmeg a defender and score a soft goal past Brazil’s #1 gloves-man, while his shooting leg flopped about aimlessly. Lucky ranga!

Match highlights:

The Champions League is back tonight and if you haven’t already had an aneurysm cause of the rush of blood, then sit tight… tonight may just be your night bro!
Lack of matches and change of knock-out format aside, tonight’s games will pit a couple of stars against the teams that made them who they are… and I’m not even pretending that I’m interested in Benzema’s return to Lyon.
Nope tonight is all about Becks 7yr absence from United and about how the Red Devils trip to the San Siro to face a neither her, nor there AC Milan could just be a tricky one… pfft, and don’t even get me started on that mutton again!

I predict:
Lyon 1 v 2 Real Madrid
Milan 1 v 1 Man. United

Seriously, Rafa. You should consider killing yourself… or simply walking away from Anfield. Sky Sports News reports:

We will try to win against Arsenal and after that, we will see,” he told Sky Sports News.

“We are really disappointed because we have conceded three goals in the Champions League in the last minute so when you are not winning, it is important not to lose.

“After three late goals, it makes the difference so we could be playing today in a different situation but we conceded these late goals.”

Late goals and last minute cock-ups… pfft, hardly an excuse for the lack of a side playing descent football. And what’s with the “we’ll try and beat Arsenal” attitude… I don’t mean to sound all defeatist every time I refer to Liverpool, but at best, I think Benitez’ chances of winning another major trophy with the Reds are about the same as my chances of having wild untamed animal sex with Scarlett Johansson… married prude won’t even return my phone calls!

Not pics of Scarlett, but there is a blonde minx in there somewhere…

Match highlights:

After some shock results in last nights matches, expect more tonight… this is how I’ve picked ‘em.

I predict:
Liverpool 2 v 1 Fiorentina
Olympique Lyon 3 v 1 Debreceni VSC
Internazionale 1 v 1 Rubin Kazan
Dynamo Kyiv 0 v 3 Barcelona
VfB Stuttgart 2 v 1 FC Unirea Urziceni
Sevilla 3 v 0 Rangers
Olympiacos 1 v 1 Arsenal
Standard de Liège 2 v 2 AZ Alkmaar

It’s now quite obvious that Sir Ferg knew what he was doing when signing up Michael Owen to United when everyone else (myself included) thought it was a waste of time. Five months on though and not only has the Scotsman resurrected the fragile striker’s abilities to score goals (as demonstrated last night against Wolfsburg), but much to the surprise of England fans everywhere, he may now have just lifted his chances of making an impromptu appearance at next years World Cup finals from “You’re kidding right!” to “Ok, we might give you a look in over Emile Heskey”!

Back to the Future: Michael Owen scoring goals

Match highlights:

Cristiano Ronaldo was back to his menacing best last night against Marseille and much like a fly buzzing around your head while you tryAnd typ3 a p0st… oh, would you just F*** OFF!… he annoyed the shit out of the French defence and added two more to his ever growing sack’o'goals at Madrid.
On another note and I don’t mean to get all ‘Twilight Zone-y’ here, but did anyone notice the 9 missing from the CR on C-Ron’s boots? Is it something to be suss about? Could he be awaiting the retirement of Raul so as to claim the number 7 jersey or was it as simple as Nike ran out of stitching to add to his boots?
Dig deep enough and I reckon you may just answer the question of why Los Blancos tops were blank of any sponsorship too. Can anyone say, recession!?

Feel free to comment below or simply enjoy the match action in these images:

Match highlights: