Trying to predict the World Cup draw [here] proved to be about as useful as trying to explain what happened to David Beckham’s head! I tried in the title of this post, but seriously if anyone can explain it better that would be great!
In football news, the draw produced some fair groupings, except for Group G, the group of death, which pitted 3 powerhouses (Brazil, Ivory Coast, Portugal) and 1 minnow (North Korea) against each other. I think the G in group G stands for ‘Good luck North Korea. You’d probably have less trouble building a World Cup stadium in the next 6 months than actually showing up and playing in this tournament’.

I’ll be commenting in depth on the groups over the coming months, so in the mean time enjoy the images below; all the groups, a blonde minx with after-sex hair and Charlize Theron:

World Cup group summary:

GROUP A: South Africa, Mexico, Uruguay, France
GROUP B: Argentina, South Korea, Nigeria, Greece
GROUP C: England, USA, Algeria, Slovenia
GROUP D: Germany, Australia, Ghana, Serbia
GROUP E: Netherlands, Japan, Cameroon, Denmark
GROUP F: Italy, New Zealand, Paraguay, Slovakia
GROUP G: Brazil, North Korea, Ivory Coast, Portugal
GROUP H: Spain, Honduras, Chile, Switzerland

Last World Cup draw saw Heidi Klum prancing about on stage kicking balls and pulling them out of pots; this year we’re led to believe that South Africa’s finest piece of ass, Charlize Theron will flaunt her Sth. Africaness on stage and even babble off some cheesy FIFA script. Ah, women and World Cups… what all good draws are made of!
With less than 12 hours remaining till we find out the World Cup groups, I thought it be ballsy to try and predict some of the groups that will be drawn… I know, I’m scraping the bottom of the barrel with this one, but what the fuck else do I have to do till then!?
So based on the pot listings here, coupled with my prediction nous and random 4 number generator here are my unbiased and completely random predictions of the groups for next years World Cup.

Group: Brazil, Japan, Paraguay, Slovenia
Group: Germany, Honduras, Cote d’Ivoire, Switzerland
Group: Netherlands, North Korea, Nigeria, Greece
Group: England, Australia, Uruaguay, Slovakia
Group: Italy, South Korea, Chile, Serbia
Group: Spain, USA, Algeria, France
Group: South Africa, New Zealand, Ghana, Portugal
Group: Argentina, Mexico, Cameroon, Denmark

And for those that don’t think I’ve been smoking too much crack, more pics of Charlize Theron.

It’s no wonder the Republic Of Ireland are nicknamed ‘The Nearly Men‘… I mean they Nearly made it to a penalty shoot out (which I reckon they would have won), they Nearly scored more than just one goal which would have put them into the finals and late in the game the ball that was lobbed over their defense to the back post Nearly went out, till Thierry ‘Titi’ Henry used his hand to keep it in and set up William Gallas with the all important equaliser! At least the R.O.I players will be able to tell their grandchildren that they Nearly made it to WC 2010.

Match highlights:

‘Hand of Titi’ incident:

I was so sure Russia were going to progress to the World Cup next year [statement made here] that I went and bet my house on the outcome… oops! Anyone care to spare a bit of room at their place for me and Guus Hiddink? I’m sure he’s going to be exiled sometime in the not too distant future and he’ll be joining me in looking for a new place to live… hey Guus, I call dib’s on the couch. Haha, sucker!

Match highlights:

I was actually expecting a lot more from the Bosnians in this match… I mean, in the last match they came out scathing for war, but by the end of this one all they’d done was fire blanks! Now we have to watch man-o-sex C-Ron and his tanned cronies prance around the toughened streets of South Africa next year… at least the Bosnians would have known how to handle themselves in war-zones. Thanks for nothing chumps!

Match highlights:

Right from the start, the Ukrainians went at Greece like a nuclear train heading full speed for a reactor and that is exactly how it ended for them… in disaster! After missing a host of early chances to go ahead, a clever Greek style* through ball by Giorgios Samaras found Dimitris Salpingidis unmarked on the edge of the box and he didn’t need much to derail any plans the Ukrainian’s may have had of heading to South Africa next year. Devastated to be knocked out, I now wonder if Andrei Shevchenko will now get a hair cut retire from international football!?

* = around the back or “apo piso” (in Greek)

Match highlights:

The match before this [in Egypt] was marred by crowd troubles and home fans throwing rocks at the Algerians. The scare tactics worked cause they walked away from that match as 2-0 victors and forced a playoff half a week later. Last night however, with the match taking place on neutral territory, the crowd would have less influence on the overall outcome so it meant both teams would have to bring their tactics to the field… not difficult if you’re the ‘The Pharaohs’ / reigning African champions. Well that’s what you’d think. Algeria on the other hand, had a plan of it’s own and like drug dealer working the back streets of a conjested North African city, Antar Yahia was on hand to deliver the killer blow that would take his team to the finals next year. Allez les Fennecs!

Match highlights:

Expect more than just fireworks tonight when Bosnia-Hertzegovina host Portugal and I’m even going as far as saying prepare yourself for an upset! On the weekend the two teams played out an epic match in which Portugal just scraped through and I think that onslaught by the Bosnians will continue tonight. There is a great chance they will win tonight, but I feel Portugal’s experience on the big stage may get them over the line… only just. And here’s how I picked the rest of ‘em.

I predict:
Algeria 1 v 0 Egypt
Ukraine 1 v 1 Greece
B & H 2 v 1 Portugal
Slovenia 1 v 1 Russia
France 2 v 0 Republic Of Ireland
Uruguay 1 v 0 Costa Rica

Greece came under attack last night by a rampant Ukraine team looking to put the disappointment of several missed tournaments behind them and now they have it all to do on Wednesday night away from home too. I’ve gotta say, getting a result in the Ukraine will be harder than pushing a cart of proverbial shit up the radiation clad hills of Chernobyl… such is their task. Opa!

Match highlights:

Older Greece news:
Review – Greece 1 v 2 Spain
Review – Greece 0 v 1 Russia
Review – Greece 0 v 2 Sweden
Portugal’s Greek hoodoo continues!

The Russian’s may have a slight edge on Slovenia going into the second leg on Wednesday night, but they also have an unfair advantage and the ‘X’ factor you’d bet your house on… so I’m just going to go as far as calling it now. Expect Russia to be in South Africa next year. Why? Guus Hiddink… need I say more!

Match highlights:

Older Russian news:
Russia’s ‘Little Jewel’ Andrei Arshavin
Review – Russia 2 v 0 Sweden
Review – Greece 0 v 1 Russia
Review – Spain 4 v 1 Russia

No it isn’t war, although the way these two teams attacked each other in last nights qualifier would leave you thinking it was 1992 all over again! By far, Portugal’s best player was their crossbar, with their left post coming in a close second and Deco in a distant third and as both sides missed a host of chances to build a bigger lead, they’ll be left ruing what was and start preparing for round 2 in Bosnia on Wednesday night, where an all out full scale war is expected!… I’m just putting it out there, but wouldn’t it be funny if Ronaldo and co. weren’t at the World Cup next year!? There’s a very good chance that may just happen.

Match highlights:

Older Portugal news:
Review – Portugal 2 v 3 Germany
Review – Switzerland 2 v 0 Portugal
Review – Czech 1 v 3 Portugal
Review – Portugal 2 v 0 Turkey

My hatred for Nicolas Anelka and his goal thieving ways have been well documented on this site, so this is an open invitation to Irish fans and Anelka hating fans alike, to join together and belittle the cheap-ass way he scores his goals and then celebrates them as though they were masterpieces. At this point, I’d also like to pass on my condolences to Ireland as it doesn’t look likely that they’ll make the World Cup next year.

Goal highlight:

Older France news:
Review – France 0 v 2 Italy
Review – Netherlands 4 v 1 France
Review – Romania 0 v 0 France
Euro 2008 – Qualifiers

After 27 years of living in the shadows of their most successful national team and many years of being pipped by their more experienced trans-tasman neighbours Australia, the New Zealand’s All-Whites have finally qualified for the World Cup finals in South Africa after a hard fought win over Bahrain. Heros on the night Rory Fallon (scorer) and Mark Paston (penalty saver) sealed what would ultimately be an unforgettable night in New Zealand sporting history. My congrats go out to the team, as an Aussie, I love seeing teams from the “region” doing well and I can’t wait to see Australia B them in action next year!… well somebody had to say it!

First half highlights:

Second half highlights:

Older New Zealand news:
Spain Toy With NZ – Confed Cup – New Zealand 0 v 5 Spain

Not sure if his fancy scarf cape actually had anything to do with his teams heroics against Uruguay, but Super Diego can now return to his outpost as Argentina’s only living god and continue to live a humble life of morality whilst helping his country’s needy… by which I mean fight against journos and make the obligatory “I did it for my country” remarks! Source Goal.com:

They [journalists] treat me like dirt, but we qualified with honour. I dedicate this to all of the Argentinian people and my family, but one sector does not deserve it [referring to journalists] because they treated me like garbage. They invented fights with [Carlos] Bilardo, among other things.

It scares me to no end that a “coach” of Maradona’s quality(?) couldn’t get a team of serious superstars kicking some major ass and not qualifying sooner. There was too much attention heaped on Deigo’s battles with everything and it almost hindered the teams chances of qualifying. Surely the alarm bells are ringing!
If any other coach in the world was in his predicament, at the very least they would been challenged to a sword fight by ancient gladiators, then tied to the back of a horsed chariot and driven around their respective countries for fans to lynch… you know just to drill home the point that incompetence and a loud mouth isn’t tolerated!

NOTE: If Argentina want to perform even better in South Africa the first bit of baggage they should throw off the plane is Diego… don’t worry he has a cape!

Goal highlights:

Older Argentina news:
The Week That Was The International Break
Argentina On Fire! Argentina 4 v 0 Venezuela
Copa America Final
More Messi Magic!

Overnight England qualified for next years World Cup in South Africa by emphatically pounding Croatia and once again getting revenge on their loss a couple years ago. Congrats to the lads, but I ain’t a believer yet, no I ain’t surprised. England have in fact had the easiest qualifying group of the European campaign with teams like Belarus, Kazakhstan, Ukraine and Andorra to contest, I would have been shocked, mortified even if they didn’t qualify in first. Realistically, it was always only ever going to be between England and Croatia.
Anyway, what surprised me more than last nights scoreline was that this was the first time ‘The Three Lions’ actually played like a team full of filthy rich superstars should, instead of a bunch of incoherent retards like in other matches. I guess one can only imagine the size of the load ‘Engerland’ fans world wide would have shot at the TV when Gerrard, Lampard and Rooney added the killer blows and secured their spot in next years finals!… it kind gives a new meaning to the term Liquid Crystal Display, doesn’t it!?

Goal highlights:

Older England news:
Yep, They Were The Actual Kits… England 4 v 0 Slovakia
International Friendly – Spain 2 v 0 England
Review – Belarus 1 v 3 England
Review – Croatia 1 v 4 England