After a couple weeks of sloppy punditry and ill timed posts, I have returned to step my game up for the ass end of the season (I’ve always been an ass man)… and what a weekend to pull the finger out for!

Along with battles for the title and relegation shit fights, there has been a huge amount of focus on the much sought after fourth and final Champions League spot that is still up for grabs, amazingly by four teams! My focus this weekend however takes us to Arsenal’s Emirates stadium in what will not only be a battle of the Emirate Arab shirt sponsors, Emirates (Dubai) v Etihad (Abu Dhabi), but also the return of Emmanuel Adebayor to his old stomping ground… aka. Round Two mother f*cker!

After celebrating like a right royal jack-ass when scoring at the Midlands last September, I look forward to seeing how the Togolese bean pole is received by Arsenal fans this weekend (more so than the match itself), however on a footballing front, I fear that the Gunners just won’t be equipped to handle what the Citizens throw at them (possibly spears?) and unless poster-boy Robin van Persie steps up and takes this match by the scruff of the neck with a hat-trick Arsenal could well be pulled into that fourth place show down for the final few rounds of the season and that’ll be tighter than a nun’s nasties!

Here’s how I picked the rest of ‘em:

I predict:
Man Utd 1 v 1 Tottenham
Bolton 2 v 1 Portsmouth
Hull City 1 v 1 Sunderland
West Ham 2 v 2 Wigan
Wolves 1 v 1 Blackburn
Arsenal 2 v 2 Man City
Aston Villa 3 v 2 Birmingham
Burnley 1 v 4 Liverpool
Everton 1 v 0 Fulham
Chelsea 2 v 0 Stoke City

I’m loving the amount of football being played all around the world at the moment, especially in Europe! So many matches all the time, it’s bloody fantastic I tells ya! What isn’t so fab though is Herpes… Herpes and UCL knock out football and just in similar fashion it’s almost impossible to shake off a “bad night at the office” in the 1st leg, unless the gods are with you, the starts are aligned and you literally pull a result out of your arse… well kind of! Ok, even I’m confused now. Ahh forget it, here’s my lame attempt at trying to pick the scores for tonight’s matches.

I predict:
Arsenal 2 v 1 Porto [Arsenal to progress on pens]
Fiorentina 1 v 1 Bayern

1st leg predictions.

The teams getting ready to square off against their respective opponents:

Thanks to the lackadaisical nature of one Nicklas Bendtner and his quintuplet of missed chances around the 6yrd box, once again Arsenal made things a little difficult for themselves against visiting Burnley yesterday. Where they should have put this match beyond The Clarets’ grasp, they painstakingly kept it within reach and in doing so gave themselves and their fans a few scares along the way. It wasn’t till man of the match Theo Walcott (yes the same Theo Walcott that strolled around confused for England mid week) stepped up and converted a chance instead of trying to tee it up on a platter for that shmuck Bendtner, that some of the tension eased and then late on Arshavin added the killer “f**k off” with a drive into the near post to seal all three points.
The Gunners back in the title race!

Extended match highlights:

As I prepare last nights reviews, ponder tonight’s predictions below. I got them completely wrong last night and couldn’t possibly do that bad again tonight… or could I!? Fuck knows, it’s Europe baby!

I predict:
Porto 1 v 0 Arsenal
Bayern 2 v 1 Fiorentina

With 12 goals in 10 starts against the Gunners it’s clear that the morning of a match against Arsenal, Didier Drogba wakes up on mounds of money with loads of beautiful women, shapes his eyebrows in the mirror with his index and pinky fingers, winks at himself a couple hundred times while shooting his hands like pistols then proceeds to say to “I am the king!”… shit I know I’d be doing that if I were scoring goals like he did last night and don’t kid yourself, you would too!

The Ivorian king in unstoppable form:

Match highlights:

My heart says Arsenal will pull some magic out of their demoralised hats [like here], cause I want to see a three way tussle at the top of the league… and there’s nothing wrong with a three way, no matter which way you look at it. My head however says go against the might of the Blues at ‘The Bridge’ at your own peril… so peeps this is how it’s going to go down! Arsenal to take an early lead and Chelsea to muscle their way back in and bring home the goods.

Quick stats

Chelsea:

• Exposed some weaknesses away to Hull mid week.
• Chelsea have the best head-to-head record of the Big Four clubs this season, winning all three league matches without conceding a goal. Arsenal have the worst head-to-head record, losing three of their four matches and conceding nine goals.
• The Blues have kept 11 clean sheets this season, more than any other side in the division.
• Didier Drogba has scored 10 goals in his last nine matches against Arsenal in all competitions.

Arsenal:

• Bruised and battered after last weeks home defeat to Man Utd
• They are the Premier League’s leading scorers with 60 goals in 24 matches.
• Arsene Wenger needs one win to register 300 as a Premier League manager.

Source: BBC

I predict:
Chelsea 2 v 1 Arsenal

You have to excuse me for the very, very delayed posts for today/yesterday; lately I’ve been fighting off “super-injunctions” and quoting the Human Rights Act cause my mates missus couldn’t keep her mouth shut. Never the less, I’m here now and going to touch on what was meant to be January’s show piece match, the big one, Arsenal v Man Utd.
Fact is though it turned out more like the Wayne Rooney show and like a pit bull on a poodle, Wazza (with the help of inspired Ronaldo wannabe Nani) absolutely tore Arsenal to pieces. Every attack measured, every opportunity clinical and every goal embarrassing for the Gunners. And boy didn’t Wenger know it! Source Goal.com:

We were poor defensively and offensively, and when that happens you cannot win a big game,” he told Sky Sports. “We never looked, really, to have that cohesion in the team and at the end of the day we were punished, [and] gave them too much room.
“On top of that I think we made massive individual errors and of course that’s a massive disappointment for us.
“We have to stick together, recover, and prepare well for the next game.”

Besides the fact that Wayne Rooney managed to score his 100th career Premier League goal or even the fact that this was the first football match in histroy to be screened in 3D, the Red Devils also managed to close the gap at the top of the table to 1 point and really turn up the heat on the race to the title.
The only good thing to have come of this match for Arsenal on the other hand, is that the last time they lost so severely at home [remember this], they managed a 10 match unbeaten streak and even found themselves atop of the table for a while… this loss may just be the wake up call they needed to knock them out of their stupor. Have you say with a comment below.

Match highlights:

Godzilla v King Kong, Ali v Foreman, Woods v Nordegren… Gunners v Red Devils!
Like all good rivalries, this top of the table clash promises the making of a grand occasion and there’s no doubt it’ll live up to expectations. More like a clash of two titans, both teams are in great form at the moment and are being inspired by their young prolific stars (Cesc and Roo) who are doing the bulk of the scoring for their respective teams.
It’s been some time since a match between these two teams played any significance in the league, however all that will be trumped tonight and the only question I ask is whose defence will hold out the longest?

Let me know who will win with a comment below.

Quick stats

Arsenal:

• The Gunners are the division’s form team, 24 points from 10 unbeaten league games since a 3-0 home defeat to Chelsea in November.
• They are the Premier League’s leading scorers with 59 goals in 23 matches.
• Cesc Fabregas has scored five goals in his last five league matches.

Manchester United:

• United have taken 13 points from their last five games, with Wayne Rooney scoring seven goals in those matches.
• They have not won any of their last six away league matches at Big Four opposition, losing five times.
• Wayne Rooney and Paul Scholes have each scored 99 Premier League goals. Only 17 players have scored 100 goals or more in Premier League history.

Source: BBC

I predict:
Arsenal 2 v 1 Manchester United

Another mid week round and another set of matches that look set to whet the palate. A win for Liverpool away to the Wolves and a Tottenham loss by city rivals Fulham will see the Reds jump into fourth, which given their form of late is just ridiculous! Expect resistance by Birmingham at Stamford Bridge and even a few close calls for Chelsea too. The show piece this round however will be played at Villa Park, with both Arsenal and Aston Villa in inspired form and itching for more from their respective seasons. All in all, you don’t want to miss the action and this is how I predicted the rest of ‘em.

I predict:
Portsmouth 1 v 1 West Ham
Wolves 0 v 2 Liverpool
Bolton 1 v 0 Burnley
Tottenham 2 v 0 Fulham
Aston Villa 2 v 3 Arsenal
Chelsea 2 v 1 Birmingham
Blackburn 2 v 2 Wigan
Everton 3 v 1 Sunderland

At the start of the season, all eyes were firmly on Chelsea and Manchester Utd to see who would bitch slap who and win the squabble to call dibs on the Premier League trophy come May. In doing so, [myself included], Arsenal’s young guns, their inspirational captain and their nutty Professor Wenger were overlooked almost entirely enough that they could have secretly built their own Deathstar and launched it on the world while all other teams had the mid-week off. Their aim, to dominate like they once did at the turn of the millennia, with bone crunching tackles, grit, determination and of course, Jedi mind tricks… dude, how else would you explain Fabregas’ ability to score from any angle or the recent tremors in Haiti for that matter!?

All the goal scorers… sorry Deathstar not included:

Goal highlights:

Mid week sees a take two of the matches that were meant to be played [here], before God decided to dump snow over Europe and almost wipe out an entire round of football… on the up side though, now we get a shite load of matches packed into every conceivable calendrical orophus till mid February, which isn’t a bad thing… unless you’re Arsenal of course. The next handful of matches see them play Bolton (H), Aston Villa (A), Man Utd (H), Chelsea (A) and finally Liverpool (H)… fark that! And this is how I picked the rest of ‘em.

I predict:
Arsenal 3 v 1 Bolton
Liverpool 2 v 2 Tottenham
Man Utd 4 v 1 Hull City

Highlights of the weekends Bolton 0 v 2 Arsenal match:
Why you ask?… cause I can!

This weekend put the league into perspective as both Manchester United and Arsenal drew closer to Chelsea who were held yet again… me wonder’s how they’ll cope when their African stars shoot off in Jan. Liverpool turned yet another corner, hopefully there’s not another brick wall waiting for them at Villa Park tomorrow. Mancini made a winning début as Man City manager… although there’s still much work to be done. Arsenal’s influential captain made a inspiring 28min cameo and turned Villa and the game on it’s head with two brilliant goals, while over at Hull, Man United and Rooney flexed their muscles as if to say “It’s Christmas and our best work is yet to come”… look out!

I also had a relatively good week of predictions, once again picking the exact score for 5 matches… that’s gotta be some sort of record!

Gameweek score:
7 out of 10

Results:
Birmingham 0 v 0 Chelsea
Fulham 0 v 0 Tottenham
West Ham 2 v 0 Portsmouth
Burnley 1 v 1 Bolton
Man City 2 v 0 Stoke City
Sunderland 1 v 1 Everton
Wigan 1 v 1 Blackburn
Liverpool 2 v 0 Wolves
Arsenal 3 v 0 Aston Villa
Hull City 1 v 3 Man Utd

The weekend’s action in pictures:

Match highlights – Arsenal 3 v 0 Aston Villa:

As a belated Christmas present, I give to you the weekend’s predictions…

I predict:
Birmingham 1 v 3 Chelsea
Fulham 0 v 1 Tottenham
West Ham 2 v 2 Portsmouth
Burnley 1 v 1 Bolton
Man City 3 v 2 Stoke City
Sunderland 1 v 1 Everton
Wigan 1 v 1 Blackburn
Liverpool 2 v 0 Wolves
Arsenal 2 v 1 Aston Villa
Hull City 0 v 2 Man Utd

Clearly the world is going mad… how else do you explain the results all across the Premier League this weekend. Bizarre backwards headed goals, draws-a-plenty and now Villa into the top 4! What’s next, Arsenal to win the league!?

Apologies on the delayed posts, my selfish little laptop thought it would be fun spending time with Tiger last night and the floozy left me standard, so I’m playing catch up today! Judging by my predictions this weekend though, she had every right to think the grass was greener… I hope he was worth it bitch!

Gameweek score:
2 out of 10

Results:
Stoke City 2 v 2 Wigan
Birmingham 1 v 0 West Ham
Bolton 3 v 3 Man City
Burnley 1 v 1 Fulham
Chelsea 3 v 3 Everton
Hull City 0 v 0 Blackburn
Sunderland 1 v 1 Portsmouth
Tottenham 0 v 1 Wolves
Man Utd 0 v 1 Aston Villa
Liverpool 1 v 2 Arsenal

Match action from Anfield:

Match highlights – Liverpool 1 v 2 Arsenal:

We’re been thrown a mixed bag of games this weekend and while Saturday night hosts the bulk of the action, Sunday is set for a match of epic proportions. Liverpool are in serious need of confidence, players, points… anything really and well Arsenal aren’t far off from needing players either, although they do have points and will not want to lose sight of the top two anymore. Both teams have been shy of goals lately, but if Arshavin brings his scoring boots again and Torres is fit to play (hopefully he’s not wearing these hideous things), expect goals and all the makings of an entertaining match.

And here’s how i picked the rest of ‘em:

I predict:
Stoke City 1 v 0 Wigan
Birmingham 2 v 0 West Ham
Bolton 1 v 3 Man City
Burnley 0 v 1 Fulham
Chelsea 2 v 0 Everton
Hull City 2 v 2 Blackburn
Sunderland 1 v 1 Portsmouth
Tottenham 2 v 1 Wolves
Man Utd 1 v 1 Aston Villa
Liverpool 2 v 2 Arsenal

Match highlights – Liverpool 4 v 4 Arsenal:
Relive last season’s epic encounter in Arshavin’s native tongue… things just sound so much more exciting in Russian don’t they?